In My Dreams
by flowers-your-way
Summary: "In my dreams, in my dreams, Sam says to his brother, I make him suffer." The one in which Dean isn't carried away by Micheal and is able to comfort Sam while he takes the time to process the death of his torturer. "He guesses that Sam has lived so long in fear that he has forgotten how to live in the absence of it." Post season 13.


**A/N:** I do not own SPN or any of its wonderful characters (sadly). This is set sometime after Lucifer's death. Slightly AU in that Michael doesn't steal Dean's body and Dean is able to comfort his little brother. I needed more Sam H/C, especially with the whole Lucifer debacle. Possible triggers ahead as themes of slight drug usage and dissociation are discussed. Thanks for reading and please leave a review!

 _In my dreams, in my dreams,_ Sam says to his brother, _I make him suffer._ It's 4 am and Dean is bone tired but Sam mutters fervently into the night, only half there. His eyes are half mast almost blank but Dean can still make out the flashes of pain. The container of heavy sedatives sitting open on the nightstand and the drained whiskey bottle rolling on the floor only serve as further evidence of his brother's suffering.

 _In my dreams, I make him suffer,_ Sam spits out. And it's almost an apology but for what? Dean has no idea.

 _I know you do, brother, I know you do,_ and Dean pets his head and shushes him in the still of the night. But Sam is still breathing heavy, choking on the words.

 _I do Dean, I really do. I swear. I hold him down and and and…_ Sam is hyperventilating now and crying. Dean has to fix this and quick.

But how can anyone fix something this messed up? How can you mend something this broken? _It's alright Sammy it's alright he's dead now you're free,_ Dean hopes he says it out loud.

Manic laughter startles him out of trance. Sam is laughing and crying and squeezing his left palm. His laughter sounds like more of a dying animal than anything else.

 _Ding dong the witch is dead_ and at that he starts into another fit. Dean looks at him horrified but Sam is too far gone to notice. It was supposed to get better damn it! He guesses that sam has lived so long in fear that he has forgotten how to live in the absence of it.

 _The puppet master is dead and I'm real boy Dean! There ain't strings on me no there ain't no strings on me._ And maybe at this point, it's best for Dean to play along. He tells Sammy that he's right. Nobody owns him. He's free. He's home and Dean is there.

 _As long as De is around, nothing can hurt me. De wasn't in the cage and I was hurt but he's here oh god he's here._ Dean feels a twist in his heart. How many times has Dean said that only for it to be a lie? How much faith does his little brother still have in him? He feels a tear roll down his cheek.

 _Dean killed the bad man. Dean killed the bad man._

Sam reaches up and grabs his brother's face. He looks him in the eyes. He's more coherent than he has been all night and doesn't that say something? He speaks his next words slow like Dean is a child who doesn't understand.

 _Dean killed the bad man. Dean set me free._

Dean reaches up and palms his brother's cheek, pats it once but gently.

 _You're damn right I did Sammy_

Dean wraps his brother into a hug and they both hold on for dear life. He runs his fingers through Sam's curly brown locks, watches as he closes his eyes and leans into his brother's hand with a sigh. He rocks his brother gently to sleep and doesn't move. He should. There's a good chance that Sam could wake up tomorrow and not remember any of this. He could smile at Mary before breakfast. He could accept a gruff grin from Bobby. Maybe even look Jack in the eyes for the first time in two days. He could be the normal charming dorky little Sammy he's always been instead of timid dissociated shell he had been since they dragged him away from the burnt wings sprawled beneath the altar. Dean would hide the clocks in the bunker and be sure to stay in his own bed until he heard Sam walk by his door. Sam is the early bird after all and maybe Dean could give him the illusion everything is perfectly normal.

But it's not. It's all an illusion. So Dean lays there with Sam, his only piece of evidence to the trauma. He watches Sam sleep and thinks about how lucky he is to have him in one piece.

He holds him tighter.

 **A/N 2:** Hope the italics weren't too confusing. I find them to be kinda ambiguous in terms of writing. I used them because I felt that the moment Sam and Dean were having was surreal in someway (being that Sam is traumatized and Dean is tired and scared for his brother). So to me, it represents that the italics could either be words said aloud or stuck in thought and believed to be said aloud. Hope that makes sense! Thanks for reading. Love you guys!


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